Don’t worry about it, man… I bet she was a—wait for it—crazy bitch.
A brief list of responses this guy should have made:
- I know my way around bushes.
- Ever laid hardwood?
- That’s a nice hammer. Would you like a lesson on nailing?
- I just built a deck. Have any idea where I could find a good railing?
- Looks like you are into screwing.
- Carpet, drapes, etc.
Craigslist “Missed Connections” section is awesome!
In awe, picking my jaw up off the floor.
Your Missed Connections
Okay, let me get this straight: you’re telling me that you felt an intense connection/attraction to me when you saw me from across the supermarket as I was “reaching gracefully for a head of lettuce?” Maybe I’m being naive here, but couldn’t you have told me that in person? If I recall correctly, that particular shopping trip took me 45 minutes (I guess that old saying is right, don’t go to a grocery store hungry), meaning you had the better part of an hour to approach me face to face, or as you’d say, “IRL”? Maybe that would have been a little awkward, but probably not as weird as expecting to make a romantic connection with someone you were too scared to approach in the physical world. What did you think would happen: I would somehow read this (because you think I’m as crazy as you and I peruse Missed Connections looking to see if someone’s watching me touch lettuce) and decide that it’s time to fall in love with a Craigslist Troll? You don’t need to Ask Jeeves, I’ll tell you right now: ain’t gonna happen.
Note: this is not the way to pick up your mailwoman.
**SPOILER ALERT** He’s a cannibal
The thought of Snuffy masturbating just ruined a large portion of my childhood.
More like “rear wolf.” Amirite?